I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
