you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
