At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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