I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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