I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The uberlube is also flammable
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
