First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
