Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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