we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
