So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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