i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
