I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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