is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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