i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
