I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
