That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize