Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
