I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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