my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I deserve this hangover.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize