Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
