I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
