kristin has been a bad kristin
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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