like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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