dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
