I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
