Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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