the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
