she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
