Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
