its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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