just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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