Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
