You work out of a Hotel?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
