she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
