We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
