Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
