I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
