I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize