Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
