now i know why i became what i already was.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
