It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
