So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize