Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
