His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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