I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
