Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
