Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
