Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize