Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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