She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
