between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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