So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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