we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
