***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
