You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
