I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize