brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
