you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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