there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
