Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
