rhymes with "ouble enetration"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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