you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Even my vagina gasped.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
