dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
