So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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