There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet he comes in French.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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