Where are you?
In a non slutty way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
