Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
