im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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