Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
