Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
