You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
