How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
