Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
