fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
