i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My ATM looks so different sober.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
