He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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