She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
