I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
