end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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