worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
